Hidemi’s Rambling by Hidemi Woods

Singer, Songwriter and Author from Kyoto, Japan.

Hidemi’s Rambling No.385

on December 23, 2011

When I was in college and still lived with my family, my younger sister rose to the holder of a diploma in Japanese dancing, which meant she obtained a license to teach it. A celebratory public performance by her was going to be held at a big hall. And again, my mother demanded me to come. Her demand escalated this time and she ordered me to hand a bouquet to my sister when her dance was over. My mother’s intention was to show everyone she knew that all the family had supported my sister and were happy for her success. The fact was I hadn’t supported her and was never happy for her at all. My mother had known it for years and that was why she decided to make me hand a bouquet. She wanted to give an illusion to everyone including my sister that I was pleased. While I refused repeatedly, my mother looked at me as if I had been a cold-blooded monster. I gave in to her persistent attacks. On the day of my sister’s performance, I visited her dressing room and my mother waited with a huge gorgeous bouquet that she had bought and I was supposed to give to my sister. The plan of a farce was like this; when she finished dancing, she would walk on the runway in applause, and receive the bouquet from me who would stretch out beneath the stage. As I was told, I was standing beneath the runway with the bouquet when it happened. Her dance was over, but the curtain fell and she didn’t appear on the runway because of a mix-up. I was left standing like a fool, holding a ridiculously large bouquet. The audience was staring at me curiously and whispering. I laid the bouquet on the runway and left the hall instead of returning to my seat. I was walking along the street and tears were rolling down on my cheeks. I had never been humiliated this much before. For her Japanese dancing, I had suffered alienation, loneliness and disregard all those years. It culminated in huge humiliation…


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